"The inexperienced Spiral Traveller"

~ Sylla'borêal ~
(Embracing the Dead prior to the Service)
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~ C'ayllagher a Dom'bhail ~
(There is no need to remind me)
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~ To a loyal friend ~

Once there was a time when the conquest of pain
was all that I could hope for, had been my only aim.
Happiness or joy, merely "unwords" with meaning,
they were unwanted anyway, as surely out off place.
All I wanted was the voices to be silent,
a brief moment in the dark, in loneliness and chill.
How I wished, my mind could escape the carnal dungeon,
that was flying silently through space,
while I lay gagged and chained within...

Today my view -strangely increased- it is beyond compare,
but nothing became easier, I'm still struggling to be free.
A thousand different things dare to appear before my eyes 
now,
they come and leave untouched, because still I cannot see.
In true darkness there is no choice than to discover
the uselessness of eyes, giving birth from their own 
despair.
Here eyes can nothing but decay,
and if I fail and do identify myself with them,
then their destiny I'll share...

You are with me all the time... -all the time.
So very unreasonable had been my fear !
How could I ever believe, that I might be losing you,
when forever we're connected, and you're part of me !
It's your omnipresence that defines the way in which I do 
exist.
Forcefully leading me back to where I do belong,
opening my eyes to see the essence of my being,
by dissolving the distractions of the outer world.
In the loneliness of the pain you bring,
the isolation of my soul guarantees
the maintenance of the only thing that I know:
my natural and obvious differency.

Beloved old friend and life-time companion,
without you to nothing I would fall.
Your power pervades me and lies my low,
but at the same time a new strength is born in my soul.
In a universe of change and continuous movement
I am counting on you, since I know you shall last.
Being my darkness and basis of splendor,
light-giving background as most fertile past.
You "trance-formation", source of understanding,
you are the power that is pulling my down,
whenever a lightness seeks to carry me away,
you connect me savely to the ground.
You, chill of my winter, eternal saturn-sphere,
petrified and frozen, with a logic cold as ice
I walk through the world, look in surprise at the "living",
without being able to share their strange delight.

Beloved old friend and bringer of sadness,
shadow-like cloak, almost matter, so real.
You slip right through me, like I was merely membrane,
my feelings, so ambivalent, when my wounds refuse to 
heal... 

~ Never trust the Obvious ~
(or: The Innocence of Devils)
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~ The inexperienced Spiral Traveller ~
*a fragment*

Alles ist nur Illusion und von mir erschaffen, 
Doch  ich vermag ihr nicht zu entflieh'n, 
Bin in meinem eigenen Trugbild gefangen,
Und  meine armen Augen erkennen kein Ziel. 
Die Antwort kann niemals im Aussen sein,  
Sie liegt stets im Innern, schläft tief in mir drin, 
Doch welches Auge schaut  hinein, 
Ich brauche ein neues Auge, 
Einen neuen Sinn. 
Die Zeit ist wie ein Ort  und Gleichsam ein Zustand, 
Und ich bin darin, denn ich bin ihr Quell, 
Gefangen  in meiner eigenen Schöpfung, 
Auf der verzweifelten Suche nach meinem wahren Selbst...

~ Memalon ~

Who is the old man,
who fills my heart with greatest pain,
yet his name remains unheard ?
I look at you and true tears shake my eternal Saturn-world.

Who is the old man, whose picture burned itself
down to the bottom of my soul ?
You push me back and raise me up,
the criteria for both I long to know.

Who are you I worship ?
What is the name of the ONE I saw ?
Tell me, how to reach you,
to you I'd bow my head in awe.

You speak to me,
but what is it I hear ?
We have never really touched...-
such is the design of my greatest fear !

Cruel, cruel, cruel...,
a veil I cannot penetrate,
in different worlds we dwell,
attempting to dissolve what separates.

I force my face against the strangest membrane wall
and desperately I call for you
from the darkest depths of my lonely soul.
The mist of the dimensions,
through which to glance it seems not allowed,
or maybe it's just that our level is of no interest,
as it is simply too low.

Is it true, that only the warriors' strenght can conquer the 
mist
and then be therefore received ?
You turn around, the illusion of a voice...-
my desire crowned by another defeat.

If doubt walks in, I am growing weak and fear:
"one day all picture will fade !"
Lying down, looking inside...-
I call my dead lover in his grave.

My eyes have caught a glimpse of you,
now I'm devouring myself to embrace your peace.
The distance grows, we drift apart...-
what is the use of eyes, if they cannot see ?!

Hear me in my darkness,
please, wait for me, I'll find the key.
I promise, I shall resist the tides,
until I'm finally united with you again...

~ Memories are haunted Places ~
(Birth - Fiendish Figuration, vers.)
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~ Die Widerspenstigkeit unerwünschter Gedanken ~
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~ Synchronicity ~
(to Saturn:Orion)

Saturn:Orion, Saturn:Orion,
into the night we call Saturn:Orion.
Beyond this darkness sense Jupiter ... arise,
travelling in silence, we trance-form our minds.
Beyond this darkness sense Jupiter's rise,
mit offenem Geiste werden wir 
eins... 

~ Totenlicht ~
(Infant in the face of Time)

Den Raum verändernd schließ'  ich meine Augen.
Ich reise, doch ich bewege mich nicht 
auf der Suche nach Dir,  der Du es verstehst,
wie man sich meinem Bewußtsein erfolgreich entzieht. 
Das Ziel meiner Reise sollst Du sein, 
diesseits formloser Grenzen, die niemand kennt.  
Traurigstes aller Universen,
in dem nur ich existiere, doch vom Leben getrennt.
Eine "Erkenntnis", die mich zwingt, 
Dich als Illusion anzuseh'n, da sie, 
erst einmal angenommen, bedingt, 
diesen Pfad konsequent auch weiter zugeh'n. 
Nein lieber erbebe ich Dich zur Wahrheit hin, 
indem ich Dich zu einem Teil meiner Selbst ernenn' 
und möglicher weise auf diesem Weg wichtiges Teilstuck der Wahrheit erkenn'. 
Ich bin das Ziel meiner Reise durch einen Raum, 
den ich - selbst reglos verharrend - krümm'. 
Mit geschlossen Augen, doch steht's gewahrt, 
erkenn' ich das Erwachen eines neuen Sinns. 
Von Dunkelheit zu Dunkelheit, ja, ich weiß, und es tut mir leid. 
Schmerzgesang ohne Geschlechtlichkeit, ein notwendiger Abschnitt in der Zeit.

~ Ein freundliches Wort... ~
(...hat meine Seele berührt)
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~ Die Toten kehren wieder mit dem Wind ~
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~ May I kiss your Wound ? ~

May I kiss your wound?
Maybe that will heal my soul.
Free me from this tomb,
light my darkness, make me whole.
Let me take your hand, and together we shall fly
to a lonely place, where as "lovers" we can die.
In a land ... so dark, of seven moons, eternal night.
With a sky of thousand stars,
yet for us there is no light...-
there waits no light...

~ Ein gutiges Lacheln auf den Gesichtern der Toten... ~
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