"Other lyrics "

~ I Wish I Were a Little Bar of Soap ~

source: "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988
to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It"

Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap 
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap 
Oh I'd slippy and I'd slidey over everybody's hidy 
Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap

Oh I wish I were a little mosquito 
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito 
Oh I'd bitty and I'd bitey under everybody's nighty 
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito

Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow 
Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow 
Oh I'd sitty on the steeple and I'd spitty on the people 
Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow

Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange 
Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange 
Oh I'd go squirty squirty squirty over everybody's shirtey 
Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange

Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop 
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop 
Oh I'd go down with a slurp and come up with a burp 
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop

Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud 
Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud 
Oh I'd ooey and I'd gooey under everybody's shoey 
Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud

Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk 
Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk 
Oh I'd sit beneath the trees and perfume all the breeze 
Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk

Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea 
Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea 
Oh I'd swim nudey nudey nudey without my bathing suity 
Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea

Oh I wish I were a little foreign car 
Oh I wish I were a little foreign car 
Oh I'd go beepy beepy beepy down everybody's streety 
Oh I wish I were a little foreign car

Oh I wish I were little girly scout 
Oh I wish I were little girly scout 
I'd go tramp tramp tramp through the boy scout camp 
Oh I wish I were little girly scout

Oh I wish I were a little radio 
Oh I wish I were a little radio 
I'd go CLICK!

Oh I wish I were a little girly scout 
Oh I wish I were a little girly scout 
I'd go tramp tramp tramp to the nearest Boy Scout camp
Oh I wish I were a little girly scout

Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans, baked beans, 
Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans, baked beans, 
I'd go down as a clump, and come back as a lump, 
Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans.

Oh I wish I was a little green latrine, green latrine, 
Oh I wish I was a little green latrine, green latrine, 
I'd smell out all the camp, especially when I'm damp, 
Oh I wish I was a little green latrine.

Oh I wish I were a little candle flame,
Oh I wish I were a little candle flame,
Oh I'd be so very bright, and I'd go out every night.
Oh I wish I were a little candle flame.

Oh I wish I were a little safety pin,
Oh I wish I were a little safety pin,
And everything that's busted, I would hold until I rusted,
Oh I wish I were a little safety pin.

Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo,
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo,
Oh, I'd hippy and I'd hoppy inside my mommy's pockie,
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.

Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil,
Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil,
Oh, I'd lubricate the chassis of all the lads and lassies, 
Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil.

Oh I wish a were a little water bed,
Oh I wish a were a little water bed,
Oh, I'd wobble and I'd wiggle and make the sleepers giggle,
Oh I wish a were a little water bed.

Oh, I wish I were a little onion
Oh, I wish I were a little onion 
I'd yelly and I'd smelly inside everybody's belly
Oh, I wish I were a little onion

Oh I wish I were a little bottle of Coke
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of Coke
So I can fizzy and a fuzzy under everybody's nuzzy
Oh I wish I was a little bottle of Coke

Oh I wish I were a little green pea,
Oh I wish I were a little green pea,
I'd go skatey skatey skatey over everybody's platey,
Oh I wish I were a little green pea.

Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette
Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette
For I'd stay out late at night, and a guy would hold me tight,
Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette.

Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root
Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root
'Cause I'd stick up in the trail, and I'd flop you on your tail,
Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root.

Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo
Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo
'Cause I'd sit up on a shelf, and I'd scratch my little self,
Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo.

Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug
Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug
I'd go bitey, bitey, bitey, under everybody's nightie
Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug.